I have spent the last few months thinking about writing. Should I continue to write? What should I write about? How often should I write? I concluded that I should continue to write and that I should write everyday and post here at least once a week. What to write about was a difficult one but as there are already so many negative things out there I have decided that all posts will be of positive nature…….except this one!
As I write I am sat outside a rural village hall. My children are inside attending a 6th birthday party. What’s negative about that I hear you ask? Not only are there hundreds of kids in there but several snakes too…..yes, snakes!!!
I don’t get and I certainly don’t do snakes. I don’t like them and I don’t understand them. In fact, they are completely unnecessary. It isn’t natural that something without legs can get from A to B. I get swimming things and flying things but can’t get to grips with things that slide along the ground. They have beady little eyes and…..I bloody hate them!
Watching them on television or looking at them in books is as unbearable as the real thing. The thought of the reptile house at the zoo makes me want to cry and the bloke who works at our local reptile shop scares me….and I’ve only seen him through the window.
Jamie isn’t too sure about snakes. Carys can’t wait. “Can I wear it round my neck like the man on the television mummy” said Carys. I joked that she would be asking for black nail varnish next. This is a bit of a generalisation but I kind of think that pet snakes and black nail varnish go together in a gothic kind of way, not that I know anyone with a pet snake or any ‘goths’ for that matter.
I once heard my Grandmother use the saying ‘evil as a snake’. A rather harsh saying I think. When it comes to evilness I can’t think of anything that could out do or equal the snake. I haven’t even got to the poisonous ones yet, or the ones with the ability to crush us to death.
I often find that phobias of things like snakes or spiders are not taken seriously.
Carys has just come running out to the car shouting “Mummy, Mummy….I just held an Albino Python” (no medals for stupidity in this life Carys Mai)
The ignorance of others offends me. I wouldn’t find a phobia of heights amusing. It wouldn’t make me laugh if someone suffered from claustrophobia. Fear can’t be helped, it isn’t something we choose and very rarely is it something we can opt out of. I suppose the fear of snakes is tangible where as a fear of heights isn’t. For example, I am sat in my car with the doors locked. Not because the Albino Python may escape, slither across the car park and let itself in but because I know there is a joker in there who will, undoubtedly, appear with a snake at some point……arse!!! He has a fear of heights but I can’t pick up a quantity of height and dangle it in front of him. I will, however, get revenge at some point.
A couple of other mums have come out to the car to try and persuade me to go in. This is 30 years of phobia, I haven’t just decided that I don’t like snakes. Because they don’t dislike snakes they give the impression that I am being pathetic. I have a friend who is scared of feathers….now that’s pathetic! I have another friend who claims to have a phobia of cotton wool because she doesn’t like the feel of it. That isn’t a fear or a phobia. I can’t stand the texture of polystyrene or the horrible high pitched squeak that it makes but I’m not polystyrene phobic because, quite frankly, that would be both stupid and pathetic.
My main gripe here, believe it or not, isn’t actually with the snake. My issue is the combination of a kids birthday party and a shed load of snakes. The birthday party thing is becoming a bit over the top. Who can have the biggest bouncy castle, who provides the best party bag, who can book the best soft play venue……I know….how about we chuck a few anacondas into the equation just for good measure!!! Jamie doesn’t do parties but Carys is a bit of a party queen. How does one match a snake party? Invite a few crocs and a couple of black widow spiders?
On a positive note, today has taught me two things:-
1. To make sure that I am away on 26th March 2013 because who knows what the 7th birthday party will involve
2. To never moan about soft play parties ever again.
