Thursday, 31 May 2012

Moving

Moving house is always stressful and our move last weekend was certainly no exception.  We were really organised prior to moving day, I have been packing boxes for weeks which I clearly labelled with its contents and the room in which it should be placed.  However, moving day turned into a long and stressful day of chaos and disorganisation. 

I have friends who find moving house stressful because their fridge freezer may not fit in the gap or they may be unable to plumb in their washing machine.  Things like that don’t bother me, I was more concerned about ‘my stuff’.  I think we were all concerned about ‘our stuff’.  Jamie couldn’t wait to see that his bike had arrived safely, followed by the tortoise and the cat.  Carys needed to know where her drawing pad and pencils were, followed by her hama beads.  Mark feared for the well being of his gadgets, of which there are lots!  We couldn’t find his USB stick.  “Don’t worry about it, it will turn up later” was quite clearly the wrong thing to say!  Mark continued to explain that he had important documents relating to his treasury of Usk & District Royal British Legion saved on the stick, he also had photos of our trip to Skomer Island back in April saved on the stick.  “Maybe in future you will back things up more carefully” was also quite clearly the wrong thing to say!

I had several things that I considered precious cargo.  My books, a couple of paintings and a tiled brandy bottle, all of them precious for different reasons. 

A family friend painted this one, sadly he is no longer with us.  The chap in the painting is my Grandmothers oldest brother, Arthur.  He died before I was born.  According to my Grandmother there is a discrepancy regarding the number of horses.  Apparently only one horse would be used to draw timber not two.  I don’t know that much about art but it doesn’t strike me as a particularly wonderful piece. However, it is what it is and I like it very much.


Uncle Arthur

This one was painted by Mark Charlton, it was a wedding present.  I like
Mark, his wife Jane and their boys very much.  I like the painting not only because it reminds me of them but because it reminds me of all the bits of art work they have.  I clearly remember a very random looking pig and the most bizarre flat cow.  I used to laugh at them when I was 13 but I kind of get it now….sort of.  You can find Mark at http://www.viewsfromthebikeshed.blogspot.com/.


Seascape by Mark Charlton

My great great grandmother made this.  During her later years she suffered with dementia and attended a day care centre where such activities were thought to ‘keep the brain active’.  If you look at the bottom of the bottle you will notice some wire poking out.  Originally it was a lamp.  My Grandmother used it as a lamp until very recently when she moved to a smaller property.  When I was given it I immediately removed the wiring…..it really was beyond dodgy!  I may replace the electrics one day but for now I like it just the way it is.


Great Great Grandmother tiled brandy bottle

So, with everything eventually in its place we can start to enjoy our time in the country.  We have taken a 7 year lease on a property on Llanarth Estate.  The property was built in 1859 and used to be the laundry for Clytha House.  Its quiet here, one of only 6 properties and 3 of them are small bungalows occupied by elderly people.  The late husband of the lady next door used to be the game keeper on the estate and I am looking forward to talking further with her. 

Mark is enjoying the garden.  We have space for his veggie patch but are still arguing over where to put the greenhouse.  The kids have made a den.  Quite a well equipped den with chairs, rugs, wind up lamps and chalk just in case they need to leave a message!  They are also enjoying being able to go on the school bus….so am I.  I used to do about 30 miles a day to get them to school and back, now I haven‘t got to do any if I don’t want to.  

It was until Tuesday evening that we put our bird feeding station in place.  Between then and now the birds have eaten 14 fat balls.  I’m not complaining….we have seen pied wagtails, blackbirds, a tatty looking robin, dunnock, blackcap, long-tailed tit, blue tit, great tit, starlings, sparrows, chaffinch and a great spotted woodpecker.  In the field beyond our garden we have also seen a lesser spotted woodpecker, a green woodpecker, a pipit of some description (meadow maybe?) and several linnet.  Several buzzards circle overhead and a pair of red kites are nesting two fields away.  I was pleased to hear that Defra have overturned their plans to destroy buzzard nests on estates such as Llanarth.  At night a tawny owl hoots from not far away and bats are present in great numbers.  I don’t know that much about bats but will try and find out what breed they are. 

What I really like about this property is that the view changes all the time.  I knew exactly what I would see every morning when I opened my bedroom curtains in Usk.  Here, it is different everyday.  Yesterday there were two horses looking over the hedge into our garden, a load of sparrows by the bird feeder and a male blackbird singing away on the fence post.  Today, an orderly queue of sparrows and blue-tits all waiting for the great spotted woodpecker to vacate the bird feeder and countless rabbits out playing in the field.

For the first time, Mark and I can both say that it feels like home.

Monday, 14 May 2012

Friendship

“Will the new girl at dancing be my friend forever?” asked Carys.  “Probably not” I replied.  Carys then continued with lots of why’s and how’s.  It was hard trying to explain my understanding of friendship to a four year old, especially with the assistance of Jamie. 
Jamie and Carys both suggested that people become friends because they like the same things. 





There is a lot to be said for this but I think real, long term friendships run a lot deeper than that.  The new girl at dancing, in my opinion, is an acquaintance.  Carys knows her name, she obviously likes dancing, she has the most amazing glittery pink dance shoes and her and Carys are now ‘best friends’.  During 8 years as secretary of Usk and District Pool League I have met hundreds of people but I wouldn’t class any of them as friends.  “So, you don’t like the other pool players?” asked Carys.  I don’t dislike any of them but they aren’t my friends.  At quite a young age I decided that I would try and find at least one thing that I like about a person, even if it is just their shoes.  I can honestly say that only on one occasion have I ever failed….but that’s a different story!  I tried to explain that someone you have met through a shared interest is an acquaintance with which you have a relationship that isn’t quite as intimate as friendship but that further interaction between the two of you may lead to friendship but it can also, in the case of myself and other pool players, continue indefinitely. 

“When will I know if we are friends” asked Carys.  My honest answer is when you know that you can express your feelings, be yourself and make mistakes without judgement.  When you desire the best for them, when you feel concern for them and when you know that you can depend upon them for emotional support.  When you can be honest, especially when pointing out things that could be perceived as negative.  I think it was Oscar Wilde that said ‘A true friend stabs you in the front’.  A friend of mine once said to me “they think you are a hard faced cow because that’s the impression you give.  I’m fortunate enough to know you very well, therefore, I know you care very much”.  There have been many occasions when I have assessed a situation, looked back on this and, as much as I hate to admit it, he’s right!  I didn’t get into all of this with Carys, I told her that she will know when she is 16!  On reflection, this isn’t true either.  I have friends that I went to school with and I knew that they were ‘proper friends’ long before I turned 16.

“Is Daddy your friend?” asked Carys
“No, he’s her husband” said Jamie
“They must be friends Jamie, I wouldn’t kiss someone who wasn’t my friend” said Carys

It was at this point that I decided the conversation must end.  I was mentally exhausted, Carys slightly confused and Jamie still adamant that Uncle Dan is his best friend.

So, in summary, if you think that I’m a hard faced cow then you are an acquaintance.  If you know that I care very much you can consider yourself a friend.