Friendship

“Will the new girl at dancing be my friend forever?” asked Carys.  “Probably not” I replied.  Carys then continued with lots of why’s and how’s.  It was hard trying to explain my understanding of friendship to a four year old, especially with the assistance of Jamie. 
Jamie and Carys both suggested that people become friends because they like the same things. 

There is a lot to be said for this but I think real, long term friendships run a lot deeper than that.  The new girl at dancing, in my opinion, is an acquaintance.  Carys knows her name, she obviously likes dancing, she has the most amazing glittery pink dance shoes and her and Carys are now ‘best friends’.  During 8 years as secretary of Usk and District Pool League I have met hundreds of people but I wouldn’t class any of them as friends.  “So, you don’t like the other pool players?” asked Carys.  I don’t dislike any of them but they aren’t my friends.  At quite a young age I decided that I would try and find at least one thing that I like about a person, even if it is just their shoes.  I can honestly say that only on one occasion have I ever failed….but that’s a different story!  I tried to explain that someone you have met through a shared interest is an acquaintance with which you have a relationship that isn’t quite as intimate as friendship but that further interaction between the two of you may lead to friendship but it can also, in the case of myself and other pool players, continue indefinitely. 

“When will I know if we are friends” asked Carys.  My honest answer is when you know that you can express your feelings, be yourself and make mistakes without judgement.  When you desire the best for them, when you feel concern for them and when you know that you can depend upon them for emotional support.  When you can be honest, especially when pointing out things that could be perceived as negative.  I think it was Oscar Wilde that said ‘A true friend stabs you in the front’.  A friend of mine once said to me “they think you are a hard faced cow because that’s the impression you give.  I’m fortunate enough to know you very well, therefore, I know you care very much”.  There have been many occasions when I have assessed a situation, looked back on this and, as much as I hate to admit it, he’s right!  I didn’t get into all of this with Carys, I told her that she will know when she is 16!  On reflection, this isn’t true either.  I have friends that I went to school with and I knew that they were ‘proper friends’ long before I turned 16.

“Is Daddy your friend?” asked Carys
“No, he’s her husband” said Jamie
“They must be friends Jamie, I wouldn’t kiss someone who wasn’t my friend” said Carys

It was at this point that I decided the conversation must end.  I was mentally exhausted, Carys slightly confused and Jamie still adamant that Uncle Dan is his best friend.

So, in summary, if you think that I’m a hard faced cow then you are an acquaintance.  If you know that I care very much you can consider yourself a friend.